So from eating the crickets we started to trek back down Khaosam road, a bit of an aimless wonder at this point but then we started to hear the familiar noise of guys selling the ping pong shows on the street. How am I gona describe this noise?!?!?! Let’s just say they make a popping noise with their mouths……I don’t think I need to explain the relationship between this and the show!!!
We asked a couple of guys the price and it’s seems the going rate is around 500 Baht (£10) which I think is actually quite a lot, but hey it’s a novelty you’re not going to see too often. The guy doesn’t take any sort of payment for this he just whisks you down the road and you jump in his little tuk tuk like the dirty bastards you are and he precedes to fly you through the streets with no regards for his own life….like most tuk tuk rides! On arrival, and I wish I could remember the name of the road we were taken to or the name of the club but I can’t, you are taken in and pay on the door. The 500 Baht gets you one drink and 1 hour inside, this may be different for other clubs, and does not include your tuk tuk ride home which as you are in the middle of who knows where you have to pay, cost us 60 Baht (£1.20).
When walking into the club it’s pretty dark as to be expected for this sort of seeded material, and the drink they give you is a small bottle or a single shot and mixer. Looking around you are instantly put at ease as the room has all manners of people, from young guys to women, but most surprisingly couples. If you’re going out with a girl who wants to go to a ping pong show she’s a keeper.
The shows itself contained a variety of different (apologies for using this word) vaginal tricks. First one being the ping pong trick. I don’t want to get too graphic here but the ping pong is inserted and the lady pops it out and it bounces off the floor and into a glass, each one that goes in (about 90%, what a skill) get the obligatory cheer. Shortly after this she may start aiming that at people in the front row (there now real power to these!!!) so you’ve been warned, anyone in the front seat will get all manners of vagina objects thrown, rubbed or aimed at them!!! Next another lady comes out dances around a bit and before too long wips off her underwear (I should point out however at this point if you’re looking for boobs, the top half stays on throughout) and proceeded to pull out a cord with balls on…..spoiler alert….the cord/string is massively long, you wouldn’t believe it! Eventually this is fully pulled out and swung around the front row (we were front row, but missed us). From here on out Ian disappeared into the corner to talk to a guy he was chatting too and didn’t return until 5 mins before we left…..I’m saying nothing!!
The next girl comes out and starts off like all the rest but she was holding what looked like a little funnel and a cake with candles is brought out…can you guess where this is going? The candles are lit and she gets on the floor and proceeds to blow them out before what I consider the best trick starts. A lady comes out with some balloons and I have no idea what she was shooting out of that funnel but she was popping them out of the air…..genius!
Following this lady there is just another demonstration of pulling out a long decorated bit of string and I think that was about it. By this point Ian and his new friends had returned and he advised us that the show was just about to start over again from the beginning so we clambered out and hit the mean streets on the tuk tuk again.
This could be the longest post ever if I carry on like this so I’ll try and compress the rest of the night. We went to a street bar got chatting to a couple of Thai ladies for about 30 mins before parting ways where we went off to the club Ian had gone on the first night. After 30 mins this shut and we managed to find this awesome little live music bar which we had been to before and went in (free entry) with only the shrapnel in our pockets for one beer.
This is where we met the lady killer!!! Ian has come up with this nickname for him because had I of done it it would have been more along the lines of ‘arrogant self righteous little prick’. Having spoken to him for around 5 minutes I realised what a tool he was and stopped talking, I can’t really recall the conversation but it was probably based around how cool he was. Ian then proceeds to talk to him and I should probably hand you over to him for this little bit.
Love Scotty x