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Mile High Toilet Head Club

It has fallen on me (a usual) to write up our journey to get to Vietnam. This is usually due to the fact that Ian sleeps through most of our travelling and this time is no exception. Plus if something sh#t is going to happen to anyone on the trip it is going to be me!!!

The night before we left Perth was a Friday night which meant we could leave on a bang and this is exactly what we did. Unfortunately for Thomo he had to work during the day stacking boxes on boxes (a task I am not sure he is even skilful enough to complete properly), which is a good thing as he needs as much money as possible……..I thought I’d have to wait until I had kids until I had a dependant!!!! Anyway, John, Elle, Emma and I all went off to Fremantle for the day and unsurprisingly ended up in the Little Creatures brewery. Drinking in the bear garden, we amused ourselves with numerous self made quizzes (great work from quiz master Elle) and plenty of beer, until night started to creeping in and we shifted our semi comatose selves back to central Perth to get cheap drinks and showered up.

A few hours and plenty of good tunes later we set out for town, or more to the point Northbridge, but not before an embarrassing stop off at McDonalds. Actually having just said that our next stop  was much more embarrassing. For those in the know of Northbridge we found ourselves in ‘The Shed’. A self elected shit hole hot spot for every Irish and pissed person in Perth, but with $6 JD and Cokes I’m sure we can be forgiven for spending an hour here. The later part of the night involves a trip to Black Betty’s (a kind of music bar/club), fast food and a certain someone pissing into Elle’s bag in the hostel after ‘sleep pissing’ (a type of sleep walking)……cough cough John!!!!! But hey, we’ve all been there right?


The Gang On Our Last Night (embarrassingly at 'The Shed')
The Gang On Our Last Night (embarrassingly at ‘The Shed’)


I’m not sure I’ve ever really experienced 3 hangovers in 24 hours but there’s a first for everything.

  • Hangover one – Saturday Morning: Cure – Hair Of The Dog
  • Hangover two – Saturday Afternoon, after falling asleep following too much hair of the dog
  • Hangover three – Early hours of Sunday morning: After sobering up on the plane…to be explained later!


The journey from the Billabong Resort on Saturday night was a pretty painless 15 minute taxi ride costing us around $35 between us, that part obviously not so painless. We arrived at the airport with plenty of time to spare so we checked in our bags, grabbed a beer and chilled out. It turns out though that they like to search, prod and scan you for everything at Perth airport, so before we knew it we were running down the corridor towards the closing flight hearing our names being read out of the public address system whilst be clapped in by surrounding onlookers

“Would a Mr Ian Thomson and a Mr Scott McKeaveney please make their way to gate blah blah (forgotten the gate) as they are holding up the flight”

Nothing else we could do but run through the onslaught of laughs and claps with our arms in the air, a smile on our faces and a slightly tilted head to symbolise shame……as if we were completing a marathon in an incredibly poor time (and yes I am aware that I am far too unfit to even complete a marathon)

So onto the flight itself. I’m either getting better at it or I was suitably tipsy enough to be relaxed. Either way it was a pretty smooth take off and had it not been for my terrible meal choice the whole thing might have gone pretty well. This Tiger Airways flight did not come with a meal, maybe because it’s a relatively short flight, but most likely because it is budget! Having not eaten much we grabbed ourselves a quick bite, Ian got a mushroom soup, aka water with a chopped up mushroom in, and I got some sort of chicken rice dish. It tasted foul and cost me around $10, I knew it tasted off and my stomach hurt as soon as I had finished my 3rd mouthful, but it cost $10 dollars and there was no way I was going to admit to Thomo that his shitty soup was a much better purchase…..he thrives on that sort of thing!!! 30 minutes later Thomo was fast asleep and I was making an extraordinarily quick (especially for me) dash to the toilet to engage in the classic sit on the floor with my head over the rank, piss smelling bowl. After 5 minutes of retching and looking whiter than an albino in the winter, I had to get the stewardesses to set me up a seat outside the toilet for the next 10 minutes in case the chicken finally decided to make an exit. They were actually extremely helpful and gave me some warm water to settle my stomach and a sick bag to take back to my seat. Still feeling rough, I had to clamber over Thomo’s lifeless body as he happily slept through the whole charade……….lesson learnt: budget flight food totally sucks and if something tastes off don’t eat it (the latter I should have learnt way before the age of 29).

I managed to sleep for around 30 mins after this and sat there feeling rough for the remainder of the nearly 6 hour flight!

On arrival at Singapore airport we were hit with the all too familiar humidity which we had actually come to miss. Singapore airport is easily the best airport we have been to and there is plenty to keep you amused, from free internet and TV to a movie room you can happily nod off in if ‘Drive’ is showing. Check out the photo to see the random Koi Carp pond in the airport. The next flight was boarded on time but was held up a bit on takeoff, say around 30-40 minutes. By this point I was too tired to care about the flight ahead and spent the 1 hour 20 mins to Ho Chi Minh (Saigon) dozing and reading a magazine…..again it’s hard to say if I’m getting more accustomed with flying. I don’t need to tell you what Thomo did during the entire flight!

Koi Carp Pond, Singapore Airport
Koi Carp Pond, Singapore Airport


Ho Chi Minh airport is a fairly sterile place and obviously we didn’t get to see much. One thing which is important to note is that even though you may have paid for your visa online, when you arrive you have to pay another £30 (around 600,000 Dong). Make sure you have either US Dollars or Dong on you as they don’t take card and you may have to do as I did and go out through immigration and baggage reclaim to the very outside of the airport to get money out as there is no ATM inside, this was only possible as I left Thomo there as security (stupid of them really seen as how little I value him). You will also need a passport photo to hand over when you fill out the short forms.  As with all airports you can easily find a taxi outside the front door, your best bet here is to head right out of the main exit to the domestic flights airport (around 400m) and get one there. It cost us around $9, around 200,000 Dong, to get to District 1 which is more or less the centre.

As I write this I am stuffing my face with Oreos and having to listen to Ian’s drivel as he tries to watch Vietnamese TV, this includes such classic comments from him as “Such hairy kids”!!!! So on this note I will leave this here and let ‘Mr Cultured 2012’ fill you in on our time in Ho Chi Minh in the next post!!!


Love Scotty x

Any questions or feedback can be directed to the comments section below and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.  :-D

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About Scotty

Neurotically moaning my way around the world I aim to experience as much as I can and escape traditional British living. Travelling with my best friend Thomo (I hate him really), I hope to share my experiences with you, while constantly ripping on Ian and belittling myself. Should make for some fun times. (Circa 2012)Now older, fatter & somewhat wiser, I find myself sucked back into the 9-5 grind. With new responsibilities, but a never dwindling love for travel, I strive to regain the life I wanted, with my son and partner in toe...........is it possible to get the prefect mix? We shall see. (April 2017)

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