Here is my banter for the week inspired by a couple of topics which have come into play recently courtesy of my mate Stefan and the news. As a traveler you engage in a plethora of random conversations in your day to day life due to the fact that ultimately you’re out to enjoy yourself and also that at times you crave useless trivia which is dominating the headlines or local bars. So in this post I would like to talk about the sensation that is the ‘Hipster’ in New South Wales and the latest YouTube success story which is currently probing a chain reaction across the globe.
Now as a resident of Sydney for the last two and half months I have not been able to get away from the fact that ‘Hipsters’ are a very real group of people. In their endless fight to look as unconventional and laid back as possible it is difficult not to spot them as they cruise down the street wearing an 80’s comic book vest, pink roller skates, an abundance of Velcro items, geek chik glasses and absolutely no sign of a razor. To be considered hip you have to abide by some pretty serious rules if you’re going to succeed with this look. From what I can gather there are two main types of ‘Hipster’ each complete with their own cult following of trainees and apprentices learning how to impress the full-time Hipsters and rock a look which at times is considered edgy and sporadic. If after reading this article you decide that the Hipster look is for you then it is worth considering that you need ample time each and every day to scour through a variety of niche and quirky shops to find your ideal outfits which won’t clash or dishonour another Hipster. Having no job and some savings in your account are two sure fire ways to kick off your new Hipster image but is only a short term fix, if you’re in it for the long haul then you will need to consider employment avenues which only accept the Hipster look and a personality which contains the trait of being far to cool to communicate verbally and only a head gesture or grunt will suffice. A cosmopolitan ‘hip’ coffee house would be suitable or any job where you can say ‘Bro, bru, brah, man or dude’ on repeat to communicate with your customers for your working week. It is important to respect the ‘Hipster’ because as you can imagine they have sacrificed an awful lot to look as ‘cool and unique’ as possible; anyone who sacrifices a personality, diet, physical appearance and potential employment is committed to their cause, so to the ‘Hipsters’ of the world I salute you and admire the time and effort which goes into each and every unique outfit you are expose to the world.
The two types of ‘Hipster’ are these: NB. These looks are examples and there are hundreds of different combos moulded around these two iconic pillars of the Hipster look.
The Beach Hipster
The beach Hipster or more locally known according to my current residence in Sydney as the ‘Bondi Hipster’ is a real work of art and a truly inspirational sight. Bondi as one of the most famous beaches in the world breeds a unique culture of beach going hipsters who share many similar attributes to the more conventional ‘City hipster’. Their peacocking (ability to show their plumage via a variety of bright and striking neon and fluorescent colours) abilities are never ending and the combinations which can be used to peacock are infinite. You can expect to find them either on the beach or within a strict 1 km radius of the sand and should you be fortunate enough to spot one in the territory governed by a ‘City Hipster’ then this is known as a ‘Lost Beach Hipster’ or a ‘Trainee Hipster’. If you can’t spot the ‘Beach Hipster’ by their kaleidoscope of colors you can always look to the nearest beach wall where they will be leaning (posing) and probably not conforming to anything shouting or mumbling the words ‘Totes’ or ‘Brah’ to another equally ‘Hip’ individual who may very well also be leaning or crouching to sport yet another inappropriate non-conformist pose. Don’t be shocked to see the ‘Beach Hipster’ wearing a wooley hat in 40+ degrees heat or jogging pants 4 sizes too small with 56 key chains hanging from a specifically positioned area around the waistline. Another common ground which both the ‘Beach’ and ‘City’ hipsters share is their ‘Fuck Gluten’ and ‘Pro organic’ healthy living policies which ironically but beautifully conflict with their ‘get hammered’ and ‘smoke cinnamon filled cod liver oil cigarettes’ lifestyle.
The ‘Beach Hipster’ is rarely spotted with a smile because they are often too fatigued from their lack of carbohydrates brought on by their ultra-healthy regime of gym and mung bean curries which are used to adorn their chiseled upper bodies. Leg day is never on the menu for the ‘Beach Hipster’ and so a common look of the ‘Beach Hipster’ is that of, if you can imagine, a gorilla with cocktail sticks for legs. If questioned whether they go to a gym the answer you can expect will be ‘No Brahhhh, totes healthy lifestyle and maybs once a week when I get the chance’. We have already learned that the seasoned ‘Hipster’ fills his days with relentless/effortless shopping excursions with his Dad’s credit card (due to job instabilities) so it is almost believable that there isn’t time for the gym within this schedule. Below is a link for a website where you can gather some ‘Hipster’ lingo to either give it a go yourself or communicate with another ‘Hipster’
If you really want to swot up on the lingo then you should consider purchasing the [do action=”amazon-uk” search=”Hipster handbook” linkname=”hipster handbook” amazon=”http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/search?ie=UTF8&camp=1634&creative=6738″ affcode=”livefree-21″]Hipster Handbook[/do] to wow your friends!
The conclusion: Bright colours and head band with either matching or completely contrasting wrist bands. Usually a homeless beard and long unkempt hair, possibly with a quiff styled into it (effortlessly styled obviously – ‘Obvs’ in Hipster lingo). Half open eyes to suggest they are too cool to actually look at things which aren’t quite hip enough, slouchy poses and tattoos everywhere, usually tribal or old school inspired. A perma-tan and about 2-3 rings on each hand (vintage so no-one else will have one). Retro 70’s board shorts (boardies) usually in a faded bright colour like pale blue or dusty salmon pink. A vest (singlet) made from dental floss and recycled bi-products of the ‘pro-vegan bible’ i.e. very small, low slung neckline and definitely organic. It may even contain a catchy slogan like ‘Jesus was a vegan’ or ‘Squids have feelings too’. There are rare cases of ‘City Hipsters’ merging and remoulding themselves into a ‘Beach Hipster’ and vice versa but I cant stress enough that this is a rare case. Spottable by exactly what I have mentioned above but then by adding a faded ‘individual’ trilby or tragic waistcoat into the mix. CONFUSION but definitely a tell tell sign of a ‘Merging Hipster’ or complete novice ’trainee’.
The City Hipster
Now there are many more ‘City Hipsters’ dotted around compared to our ‘Beach Hipsters’ due to the fierce competition for individuality found within our cities. When living in somewhere like Sydney being a wall flower is a ‘no no’ and so the rise of the ‘City Hipster’ is spreading at an infectious rate with no sign of slowing down. If you have a wide selection of ‘hip’ sunglasses and no intentions of shaving off a two year beard then you are two steps closer to achieving the ‘City Hipster’ look to help expand your unique and individual appearance. Unlike the ‘Beach Hipster’ the ‘City Hipster’ tends to shy away from the sun and hangs about in quirky niche and cosmo coffee houses
where they can enjoy a latte made from fair trade coffee beans and squirrel milk with an arrogant biscuit to tide them over for the rest of the day. But it gets better, you can enjoy this distinctive ‘meal’ knowing full well that you will get change from $50 before descending down the street to a small saloon bar with no windows and a range of 100 organic gluten free beers where no hops were harmed during brewing process. In the day of a ‘City Hipster’ you will need roughly $200 in your bespoke wallet and 3 pairs of sunglasses to work in harmony with the different sun positioning and god forbid should you run into another ‘City Hipster’ who ‘may’ have the same or similar pair of sunglasses to you. Two ‘City Hipsters’ generally converse using heavy body gestures and a lingo that is so distinguishable you can expect to get lost in within one minute if you are ear wigging. Nearly all words are abbreviated and at times undecipherable turning the English language into an abomination begging the question is this way of communicating actually ‘hip’ or just painfully lazy?
Shirts with the top button done up and a contrasting dickie bow is another dead giveaway teamed with an expressionless or bored face. The pressures of maintaining the individual ‘Hipster’ look are largely to blame for the lack of banter and deliberately reclusive lifestyle of the ‘City Hipster’. The easy solution to this seemingly endless struggle for the ‘City Hipster’ would be to eat some carbs, watch some stand-up comedy and stop paying through the nose for new-age pesticide free runner bean sandwiches. I’m not sure but if I was to hazard a guess at what the ‘City Hipster’ was trying to promote to others is the appearance of infinite wealth without having to work, the ability to not shave or maintain their hair because they don’t need to impress other people (even though that’s the main aim), and a standoffish nature because they have actually become ‘too hip’ to communicate with the other city folk.
Conclusion: No carbs, too many coffees, too may lie-ins, improper use of the English language, an unrivaled and unhealthy drive for individuality, a sense of being omnipotent and omniscient, no laughing policies and lack of sunlight sadly = Total isolation and a sense of only being ‘Hip’ among other ‘hipsters’.
So this is what I can gather from ‘hipster’ life but you may want to go into deeper research if this subject interests you.
Stefan, who I currently live with in Sydney, introduced me to this video on YouTube last night which is swooping the globe leaving everybody wanting to have a go. Even my old university has made a video and I am so impressed with the videos that I thought I would randomly drop them into this already bizarre post J. So watch the clip, join the masses and give it a go!